


To Be Human

by heyMissyYouSoFine, Thatskasterborous



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: After James, But like the best himbo husband ever, But note that I am not a therapist so this whole thing isn't going to be accurate, Emmett is a himbo, F/M, Protective Rosalie, Rosalie finally gets the therapy she needs, Set during first book, Therapy, Vampire Therapist, but nothing explicit, mentions of past rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyMissyYouSoFine/pseuds/heyMissyYouSoFine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatskasterborous/pseuds/Thatskasterborous
Summary: Rosalie had screwed up big time. Her instincts had taken over when she'd heard a group of school boys bragging about a sexual assault. Resulting in her attacking a human in the middle of the school halls. She nearly outed her whole family. Though through some convoluted twist of fate she managed to evade trouble. But only if she goes to compulsory counselling twice a week.Easy enough to deal with, she thinks. Rosalie just tells the human what they want to hear and the therapist eats it up. That is until her counsellor is replaced by someone decidedly not human.How can she cope when she can no longer hide behind lies? And is this therapy effecting her in other ways?
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 20
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of my sister's story ideas. That's why I've added her as a co-author.  
> I wrote this as a gift for her but you guys can read it too.
> 
> Trigger warning- There will be mentions of rape in this story but it will all be in the past. I chose not to include the story in the rape/non-con tag because it doesn't actively happen in this story. So this is your warning before reading the fic.

_To be human is to love_  
_Even when it gets too much_  
_I'm not ready to give up_

To Be Human-Sia

Deep, dark clouds hung heavy in the sky. Shielding everything below it from even the barest glimpse of sunlight. The rain poured down in thick torrents and created miniature rivers that snaked through the concrete yard. One would have to expertly avoid them to prevent their shoes getting ruined.

Which of course, Rosalie, knew how to do. She didn’t wear designer shoes just to have them destroyed by stupid rain water.

As much as she was pleased by the cloud cover, that didn’t mean that she had to like what came with it. Yes, it offered her and her family the protection they needed; but at the same time her sweater was cashmere and didn’t fair well in a downpour. 

She often missed when her family had lived in the far north. Where the daylight hours were so short they barely missed any of the day. At least then they could go outside and the sky was clear.

However, that was the past. Now they were here in _sunny_ Forks Washington. A place that they now had to stay indefinitely because her stupid brother decided that he was _actually_ attracted to someone. That someone ended up being a human of all things. It’s like Edward lived to stress her out. 

Every second Bella spent around them was a clock ticking closer and closer to disaster. Either for her family or just Bella in general. Just look at what happened with James. The girl was just a magnet for danger. She was either going to bring danger to her family. By other vampires finding out about her or god forbid the Volturi ever found out. Or her family would bring harm to Bella. By either changing her or killing her. 

It was inevitable really. They were the only ways this would end if they continued this farce of a relationship.

No one else but Rosalie seemed to see it this way. They thought her heartless because she refused to like the human. It made her laugh sometimes. As if their disappointment was going to make her change her mind. She wasn’t going to let other people dictate her thoughts. Family or not.

So that meant that, for now, she had to grin and bear it. Which also meant that she had to finish high school. Again.

Rosalie dodged a rather deep puddle as she made her way between two buildings. The fact that the school was made up of multiple, unconnected buildings always annoyed her. You would think that in a place where it rains for 300 days of the year, you would have at least built a school with interconnected corridors. Why prolong the suffering of all the students inside by letting them be drenched? The janitor here must never rest.

There were a few students milling around the entrance to building 3. Chatting amongst themselves and half blocking the door. Rosalie did not slow her stride though. Either they would move or they would know what it felt like to walk head first into a stone statue.

Thankfully, one member of the group did clock her. It might have been Rosalie’s determined look or just the general unsafe aura that a vampire naturally exudes. But the girls eyes widened almost comically and she literally jumped out of the entryway. Her friends turned to see what had made her jump and immediately followed suit.

One of them even held the door open for her. How chivalrous.

She gave them one of her breathtaking smiles that would catch anyone off guard and glided through the door.

Her nose wrinkled slightly as she came in. The difference in temperature hit you immediately. From frigid and cold to sweaty and stuffy. The air was closer and cloistering. It tended to amplify the scents of others. Making them harder to ignore than when she was outside. However, she prided herself on her self-control. In fact, she may be one of the few vampires in existence that had never drank human blood. She swallowed back some of the venom that had instinctively pooled in her mouth. Before carrying on walking as if nothing had happened.

It only took a moment to adjust. Milliseconds at most. Any human looking at her wouldn’t have even realised that she had paused. To them it would appear that her walk was seamless.

She made her way towards the girls bathroom. Obviously she didn’t need to use it. But she did like to check her make-up at least once a day. The bathroom in building 3 had the best lighting, in her opinion. 

Her hand reached out to open the door. Then froze. Her superior hearing zeroed in on an odd sound coming from within. Sniffles and raspy breaths.

 _Oh god_. She was not in the mood for humans crying about their dumb life problems. They were always hung up on insignificant and stupid things. Like ‘Rebecca won’t speak to me’ or ‘Mom wouldn’t buy me a car’. None of them realised what they had. Too busy thinking about what they don’t have. Or caught up in things that don’t ultimately matter. 

But they all had a perfectly normal human life. They act like they have nothing when they had everything Rosalie ever wanted. 

It made her blood boil. Well, it would if she had any.

So Rosalie paused outside the bathroom. Listening in to the girl’s crying. Hopefully she would be done soon and Rosalie could check her makeup without the audience of tears.

“S. stop being silly, Lilly” the girl was talking to herself. A tremble in her voice. There was a sound of skin against skin. As if she were wiping tears away. “H.he’s your boyfriend. O.of course you wanted it”

Rosalie went rigid. Her breathing cut off and she stop pretending to. It felt like she was even more still than a vampire usually was. She was screwed if anyone walked passed but she couldn’t bring herself to move. It was like all of her instincts were screaming at her.

“I, I” Lily’s words cut off in a gasp “I wasn’t ready” Her sobs began again in full.

Had her boyfriend forced her in some way? Rosalie ground her teeth together.

She pushed her way through the door. A little too roughly in her anger. The door bounced off the wall and startled the girl inside.

She was quite small. Though not as small as Alice. The hair was a dark brown and reached to her shoulders. Rosalie recognised her as another senior. They had had at least 2 classes together over the years. She had always been quite cheerful and had a happy outlook on anything. Quite the opposite to what Rosalie could see now.

Lily had her arms wrapped tightly around her self. As if she was trying to close herself off from everything. Her expression was guarded and fearful. Even her hands were shaking.

“I, I’m s.sorry Rosalie” Lilly Stuttered “I w.was just leaving”

Lily made to leave. Gathering all of her things with shaky hands. A few things dropped out of her bag in her haste. She had to bend down to pick them up.

Rosalie crossed her arms and refused to move from in front of the door. The fear in Lily’s eyes was stoked once more. Being trapped in a small space with a vampire could do that to you. But Rosalie wasn’t going to let her leave yet.

“Did something happen to you?” Her voice wasn’t soft but at the same time there was no judgement in it. Her question was genuine.

Lily’s eyes widened in surprise. It’s not everyday that the supposed perfect ice queen seemed genuinely concerned about you.

Everyone always thought that Rosalie cared for nobody but herself. What they didn’t know is that she feels deeply about many people. She was just very good at suppressing it usually. As caring too much would only lead to pain. Her life could attest to that.

However, sometimes, those feelings still bubbled up to the surface. Making her act rashly. Like right now. The thought that this young girl could have experienced anything close to what happened to her had forced her to interact rather than ignore.

“Err no, no I’m fine. Really” she said, though tears still gathered in her eyes.

“If someone forced you to do something you didn’t want to do you shouldn’t stand for it” There was a fire in Rosalie’s eyes as she spoke.

“Nothing happened!” An unexpected anger rose in Lily’s voice. “I just. I just. I want to leave. Can I leave please?”

Rosalie stared at Lily for a beat longer. Then she sighed and stepped away from the door. Lily darted for it as fast as she could. Nearly dropping her things again.

Rosalie let out an uncharacteristic groan and leaned against the sink. She was only trying to help. It wasn’t her fault that no one ever seemed to trust that.

“Hey Babe are you okay?” Rosalie heard Emmett’s voice from across the school. He must have heard her groan in annoyance.

“Yeah, I’m fine” she spoke softly. “I just tried to help someone and it backfired”

“Never trying that again” Rosalie laughed

“Maybe I can make you feel better later” She could almost hear the suggestively raised eyebrows as he spoke. “We haven’t broken a bed in a while”

Though after the topic that was just brought up she wasn’t sure she would be in a mood for anything of the sort later. But she couldn’t deny that she was happy with the offer.

“We’ll see” she said

Rosalie tried to put the human out of her mind. She didn’t run into her again as she made her way to her English lesson. It passed by agonisingly slowly. Redoing the same lessons over and over gets boring real fast. This is why she loathed having to repeat highschool. She would much prefer if she only ever went to college. However, it all depended on where they chose to live at the time. There were no colleges in Forks so highschool it was.

There would sometimes be pleasant surprises. When the curriculum changed and she would get to learn something new. Those days were fun. But they were few and far between.

By the time lunch rolled around, Rosalie was already in a mood. Her interaction with Lily earlier plus the sight of Edward fawning over Bella just left her with a bad taste in her mouth. Though that could also be the venom.

Emmett was the only one that managed to get her to crack a smile. Though he could always do that anyway. No matter the mood she was in. It did cause her some frustration sometimes. Like when she was trying to be angry with him. But she also wouldn’t change it for the world.

After lunch she had to make her way to her locker to collect her textbooks. Technically she could carry all of them in her backpack no problem. It’s not like they weighed much of anything. However, she preferred not to lug around a huge bag. It would ruin her aesthetic.

People were milling around as she made her way there. Most were just bustling passed. Meandering down the corridor, as lessons hadn’t quite started yet. Rosalie had to skirt around a group of three boys that didn’t have the brains to move. They were too ingrained in their own conversation. She just about stopped herself from shoving passed them. No need to touch a random human if it wasn’t necessary.

When she reached her locker she finally tuned in the what the ignorant boys were talking about.

“I can’t believe you finally banged her dude” said one of them. He was chubbier than the other two and had greasy brown hair.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at his choice of words. _How childish_.

“Yeah I thought she was always so frigid” said another boy. Rather short and built like a twig.

“I know. It was amazing. She finally gave it up. It only took some _careful_ convincing” Said a tall blonde boy. He had above average looks which gave him an untapped well of undeserved confidence. His friends all laughed with him.

Rosalie’s hand clenched around her book. Leaving nail marks in the cover. Once again she stopped breathing. Turning her full attention to the conversation they were having.

“Fuck, man it felt good. It would have been perfect too if she wasn’t crying through the whole thing. It was a major turn off.”

None of his disgusting little friends even batted an eyelid at the fact that she had been crying. They apparently didn’t see anything wrong with the statement.

“That’s girl’s for you. Always so sensitive” The first boy spoke again.

“Yeah well her parents are away tonight. So I’m gonna go around and surprise her. Probably get lucky again” The blonde raised his hand, high fiving his two friends.

Rosalie then realised exactly who the blonde was. His name was Drew and he just so happened to be the boyfriend of Lily. The person that Lily had just been crying about in the bathroom.

The textbook disintegrated in her grip. Bits of paper exploding into the cavern of her locker. A red haze descended on Rosalie and she grit her teeth almost painfully. So while Lily appeared to be traumatised, this piece of shit was bragging about his conquest. He was laughing amongst his friends while she cried her eyes out.

Rosalie knew exactly what type of man this Drew was. She had personal experience with one just like him. If she was still human she would probably be feeling sick. Instead the burning in her throat flared to unimaginable levels. It only served to fuel her anger.

This rapist was laughing like nothing could touch him. Like he always got everything he wanted. He even planned to go back and do it again.

All it took was a split second decision. Rosalie slammed her locker closed. The edges buckled with the force of her swing. Wedging the door into the locker. She would worry about that later.

“Rosalie. Stop!” Alice’s frantic voice called to her but she ignored it.

The group of boys definitely noticed her this time as she approached. The anger in her eyes was more intense than they had ever seen it. They all visibly paled and stepped backwards.

“Do you think it’s funny?” she growled “You think forcing yourself on girls is _funny_ ”

Drew recovered quicker than Rosalie had expected. Standing up to his full height. He looked like he was trying to intimidate her back. He mustn't have had any form of self preservation in that weak little body of his.

“Fuck off, Barbie.” He leaned down towards Rosalie “She _wanted_ it”

For a brief second Drew’s face was replaced by the face of another blonde. The face of Royce. The thin semblance of control Rosalie had on her anger was immediately destroyed. Rosalie’s lips drew back from her teeth. Causing Drew to jump back. “She didn’t want any of it, you _repugnant_ earthworm” 

“You _raped_ her!” quick as a flash Rosalie hit out. With both hands she pushed against Drew’s chest. Sending him rocketing into the Lockers behind him.

A strange cacophony of sounds arose.There was a groaning of metal. As the lockers caved in where Drew’s head had been. All the contents of the lockers shook. Clanging against the sides. She could even here the odd meaty sound of Drew’s brain hitting against the inside of his skull. 

Drew’s eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped limply to the ground.There was shocked gasps from the people gathered around. 

Rosalie stumbled back when she realised what she had just done. Any harder and the human would have been pasted on the walls. She had lost control and nearly killed someone.

Thankfully, Drew wasn’t dead. No blood had been spilled. But he was still unconscious at her feet and there were several witnesses to testify to what she had just done. 

There was nowhere to hide.

* * *

“This is serious Miss Hale” The principal was stood behind his desk. His hands raked through his hair.

Rosalie crossed her arms and kept her lips tightly sealed.

An ambulance had been called pretty quickly. Drew had remained unconscious throughout the whole thing. Making Rosalie nervous. 

Several witnesses pointed towards her and she was carted off by the teachers. She had to let them drag her around lest they realise that she wasn’t human. It didn’t mean that she liked it. Her teeth were gritted and she refused to let anyone touch her. She let them guide her towards the principal’s office.

Her family were lingering outside. Emmett had nearly threatened to bring the door down to try and get to her. However she told him to calm down and that she would be fine. Even if she didn’t exactly feel all that confident right now.

She could hear the student population buzzing like flies. 

“Did you see what happened?” 

“Rosalie just went psycho”

She tried to block them out as best she could.

Much to her fear a police officer had shown up to the school. Even worse, he claimed to be the father of the guy she had attacked. Rosalie bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying out at the injustice of everything.

“This _girl_ attacked my son. I should arrest her right now” Drew’s dad spat. 

His face was bright red and a sheen of sweat covered his brow. Strand of dirty blonde hair stuck to his forehead. Rosalie just about stopped herself from sneering in disgust at the man. If his son was anything to go by, she knew exactly what type of man he was.

Rosalie levelled him with an unimpressed look. The officer was trying to flaunt his authority. To scare her. She was never gonna let that happen.

Her lack of reaction only seemed to fuel his anger further. He was too used to people being scared of him. Of doing what he wanted them to do.

“Now, now Officer Matthews I think that is too far,” said the Principal. “I’m sure that there is a reasonable explanation for this altercation”

They both turned to her with varying degrees of expectation.

Rosalie uncrossed her arms and drew herself up. She glared directly at Officer Matthews. “Your _son_ was bragging about raping his girlfriend. Right in the middle of the corridor. I decided to intervene”

The principal seemed to visibly age as she spoke. Like the world was weighing heavier with each second.

“How _dare_ you” Growled the Officer “That is defamation of character”

So he wasn’t saying ‘oh my son would never do that’, he was more concerned about Rosalie telling everyone about it. 

“Yes we did have a few witnesses say something similar” said the Principal, his voice was tired. “But when we asked Miss. Williams about it, she denied it”

“Of course she did” Rosalie’s voice rose “She’s terrified”

She directed her gaze towards Officer Matthews again. “Her boyfriends dad is a cop for crying out loud. Whatever claim she made would just disappear”

Officer Matthews looked ready to explode. His red face becoming somehow even redder. However, the Principal butted in first. “Be that as it may Miss Hale no charges can be brought up against Mr. Matthews if she denies it happened.”

The Principal took a deep breath “You are an exceptional student and I am loathe to punish you. You’ve been here for nearly 3 years and we have never once had an incident. However, you have acted violently towards another student. Usually that would result in an expulsion or at least a suspension. But I feel that this was a one time offence. You were acting in a way that you deemed appropriate for the circumstances”

Rosalie stared at the Principal as he spoke. Slowing down the amount that she blinked. That way she could make him feel uncomfortable.

“So I am not going to suspend you” He stated “However, your violence in this situation implies that you have some issues of your own that you need to work through.”

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. _What the hell was he implying?_

“As part of the terms for remaining in this school you will need to see a school counsellor. At least two times a week, for the foreseeable future”

A counsellor?! She did not need to speak to some old woman about the _problems_ that she has. What the hell would talking to some stupid human even do? It’s not like she would even be able to tell them anything about her life. Vampire secrecy and all that.

Rosalie open her mouth to fire back

“There will be no arguing or negotiating. Do I make myself clear Miss. Hale?” The Principal said.

She closed her mouth with an audible snap. “Crystal”

* * *

“What do you mean we can’t leave?” Rosalie asked, mystified.

As soon as she had left that office she had been fully prepared to run. She didn’t need to be in this god forsaken backwater anyway. The first chance they got they would just move on and she wouldn’t have to be forced to do anything. Edward had growled when he heard the direction her thoughts were headed. Telling her that they wouldn’t leave just like that. She just scoffed and barged her way passed him. What did he know anyway?

However when they had gotten home she had got a rather out of character scolding from Carlisle. He had been the attending doctor when Drew had arrived at the hospital. He had to learn secondhand just what Rosalie had done. When he saw her, he had expressed his disappointment in her lack of control. Even though she hated to admit it, the comment had stung.

“We are not just going to uproot our family like that Rosalie” said Carlisle. “Edward has finally found someone and it would break him if we had to leave”

 _Of course_ she thought _This about Edward. It’s always about him. Oh poor Edward. We need to look after Edward. They don’t care about what happens to me._

“Stop being selfish Rose” Edward piped up from behind her.

Rosalie spun around glaring at her brother. “Get out of my head, Asshole” Rosalie grit her teeth “And call me Rose again and I’ll shove that piano so far up your..”

“That’s enough” shouted Carlisle, looking between Rosalie and Edward “ _Both_ of you”

Edward looked away, in annoyance with being called out. Rosalie bit the inside of her cheek and turned around. 

“Rosalie, I understand why you did what you did. But there are better ways to handle a situation like that.” Carlisle raised his eyebrows at her. Emphasising his point. “Ones that don’t result in a human nearly dying”

Rosalie felt some of her anger deflate. What Carlisle was saying was right. She had acted rashly and nearly gotten her family outed. Normally that was Edward’s thing not hers.

A rumble emanated from Edward’s chest. _I’m not the one who darts in front of cars or messes around with humans_

There was a definite tension in the air as Edward fought himself to not say anything. _If you don’t like what you hear then keep that pretty little mind to yourself._

Edward sighed dramatically down his nose.

“If you had come to me with your concerns then we could have come up with something more under the radar. Without alerting any more of the humans. However, because you acted without thinking we now can’t do that” Said Carlisle. “This situation is down to your actions, Rosalie. So you must be the one to deal with the consequences.”

Rosalie huffed, defeated. She had no room left to argue. 

A rather large arm wound its way around Rosalie’s shoulders. She felt herself relax into it. The comforting, sweet scent of her husband washed over her. Emmett’s presence always calmed her down.

“Come on Babe. You only have to see a counsellor twice a week. It shouldn’t cause too much heartache.” said Emmett “Just say what you think they want to hear. Use that Psych degree of yours to reverse psychologise her”

Rosalie couldn’t help but smile at Emmett. When he put it that way, it didn’t sound so bad. Maybe this would be a walk in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is ever a walk in the park Rosalie you should know this by now.  
> Also rapist-killer Rosalie Hale is a badass and I love her.   
> I don't know how often I will write this fic as I've got other active fic's that I need to be writing. But I will attempt to keep writing this.


	2. Chapter 2

When they returned to school the rumours were rife. Which was to be expected really. Most saw the Cullen's as something other and unattainable. The fact that one of them had done something wrong was cause for gossip. They were talking as if Rosalie’s stunt was the best thing that had happened that year. With how boring this town was it was easy to see why.

Though, the gossip wasn’t as bad as they could be. Most of it was actually pretty accurate to what happened. Thankfully no one had commented on the dent she had made in the lockers. A dent that would take considerate strength to make. No one was going around calling her superhuman or looking at them with suspicion.

As it turned out, during the chaos with the teachers and paramedics, Alice made her way around and smoothed out the metal. She had seen the suspicion that would have arisen if she had left it there. It wouldn’t have been too many people but it would have been enough to encourage unnecessary attention.

Drew had woken up thankfully. After several tests and scans his brain and body appeared to be fine. He would have to stay in the hospital for a few days but there would be no lasting damage. 

While Rosalie was thankful that she hadn’t caused anything permanent-that would have caused a whole new range of problems if she had-she still felt like he deserved worse. If she had her way he would currently be in a ditch somewhere.

Rosalie had not been looking forward to seeing his smug face. She had vowed that she would not lose control again. A stupid human boy would not get under her skin. Would not affect her in any way. She was better than that. Better than him.

However, it turns out she needn’t have worried. Well worried wasn’t the right word. She would never let herself worry about someone like Drew. Nevertheless, as it happens Drew’s Dad had decided that he would not send his  _ precious _ son back to Forks High as long as ‘that psycho’ still roamed the halls. As long as Rosalie was still here then Drew would not be. It was perfect.

Normally Rosalie would not let some random bozo call her a psycho. But in these circumstances she would wear it like a badge of honour.

Drew wouldn’t have wanted to return anyway. The fact that he had raped someone had spread through the school like wildfire. If only thanks to a few well placed words here and there. Spoken around the school like kindling to the blaze. Alice had sussed out what to say and who to say it to, to ensure that everyone knew just how much of a sleazebag he truly was.

It satisfied her to no end to hear his reputation spiral.

Unfortunately, Lily never came back to school either. After everything she said that she couldn’t face coming back. Rosalie understood that. It would be hard to face your peers when they seemed to know your darkest secret.

She actually felt bad about that. But there was nothing she could do to change it now.

Her first counselling session was scheduled for a week after the ‘incident’. As the day inched ever closer she grew more and more irritable. Even though they had all come to the conclusion that it would be easy it didn’t mean that she would enjoy it. Rosalie would still have to sit through the drivel and act as if it was helping. She was loathe to put on an act for anyone. Why should she have to change just to make someone else feel better?

But she would do it.

Dark grey clouds hung heavy above her. School had finished around 10 minutes ago and everyone was making their way to the parking lot. 

Rosalie made her way over to her BMW. It was a beauty. The sleek, red coat stood out among the rustier, duller cars. Emmett, Alice and Jasper were already standing around it, waiting for her to let them in. They were clearly anxious to get inside but Rosalie decided that they could wait.  _ I’m going to a stupid counselling session for you guys so you can get in the car when I say you can get in the car.  _ She strolled towards them as slow as she pleased. Relishing the annoyed eye roll she got from Jasper.

“Any time today babe” said Emmett, with a smile.

“Just because you’re annoyed doesn’t mean you have to take it out on us” said Jasper.

Rosalie gave him a look of mock confusion “I thought that’s exactly what it means”

She reached for her keys and unlocked the doors for them. Jasper shook his head and climbed in the car. Everyone else followed suit. Rosalie was in the driver's seat-obviously. Emmet was sitting next to her with Alice and Jasper designated to the back. 

Alice often moaned about wanting to ride in the front. However, after the one time she had put her feet up on the dashboard and scratched it she had effectively been banned.

Rosalie slammed the car into reverse, readying to make a speedy exit. But she had to slam on her breaks immediately. A group of 3 people jumped back as the car nearly collided with them. They had the audacity to look shocked even though they had just stepped out in front of a moving car.

Rosalie growled and slammed on her car horn.

“You don’t need to be so wound up, Rosalie, the session will be fine. It’ll be over before you know it” said Alice, knowingly.

While she appreciated the little insight she wasn’t a fan of the accusation. “I’m not wound up, I’m just sick of morons with a deathwish”

The humans ran off and Rosalie finally got her car out of the parking space. She sped off at a completely inappropriate speed out of the school. Not caring if she got in anyone's way. Normally, she was a little more careful but she couldn’t bring herself to care today.

Forks High was tiny and didn’t have much of anything. That included its own counsellor apparently. Rosalie wasn’t sure if the principle was really thinking things through when he handed over her punishment. It turned out that the school had to subsidise help from the local therapist office in town. They could come into school but they preferred to work from their own building. So Rosalie had to drive about 2 miles away to where the building was.

She was driving there first and then Jasper would drive the rest of them home. He was the most considerate driver out of the three left. Rosalie would then run home after it was done. No point in wasting gas to come pick her up when it would be faster to go on foot.

It didn’t take long to get there. Which was mostly down to her driving. She chastised herself for not taking her time. Emmett gave her a kiss and wished her luck. A candlelit bath was promised to her once she made it back home. 

The others said goodbye too and drove off without her. Leaving her in front of the therapist’s. Her eyes narrowed and a frown formed on her lips as she took in the offending building. It was pretty nondescript. A brown square with a few windows. Like a lot of the buildings in Forks really. 

She could see the reception through the glass door. It was sparsely decorated with a few chairs, one plant and some frankly awful paintings.  _ I could paint something better with my eyes closed. _ And she was pretty certain that she had at some point. You can do a lot of weird things when boredom kicks in.

Deciding not to stall any further, Rosalie shoved her way through the door. The receptionist was cheerful and bubbly. An exact opposite of Rosalie’s current mood. The contrast grated on her but she held her tongue and schooled her expression into something more neutral. 

Betty, the receptionist, led her through the building and brought her to a small waiting room. Well less of a room and more of a hallway. There was a line of four seats with a small table covered in outdated magazines at the end. Rosalie sat on the end one with the door to ‘Dr Stevens’ office in full view.

She could hear a heartbeat and shuffling just beyond the door. They were already here and they were making her wait outside.  _ The nerve of some people. _

After about 5 minutes of glaring holes into the door, Dr Stevens finally showed their face. Rosalie’s glare was smoothed into a soft smile faster than the blink of an eye.

“Ah, you must be Rosalie Hale,” said Dr Stevens.

His eyes widened significantly when he saw her. She definitely wasn’t what he had been expecting.

The therapist was also not what she was expecting. Instead of some tiny old woman she was presented with a rather tall man in his 30’s. His hair was dark with a few hints of grey creeping in at the sides. He had a full beard and a smile that one might call kind. Though it didn’t make Rosalie any more comfortable. She didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. And that’s pretty far.

_ Ugh why is it a man? _

Dr Stevens gestured into his office.”Why don’t you come inside. You can sit anywhere you like”

_ What if I sat in his big chair behind his desk?  _ Rosalie smiled inwardly.

Inside she could see that there was a desk off to the side, more out of the way. Then there were a couple of cushioned chairs facing one another with a long couch along the back wall. There was no way in hell that they were getting her on a couch. She knew enough about Freud and his penchant for bedding his clients to ever feel comfortable sitting on one in front of a psychologist. Even if this doctor wasn’t a sleaze she wasn’t risking it. Instead she sat down on the chair closest to the door.

Dr Stevens sat down across from her, notebook balanced on the arm of the chair. “So Rosalie-is it fine if I call you Rosalie? You don’t prefer Rose or Rosie do you?”

_ Call me Rosie and I’ll ram that pen through your eye _

“Rosalie is fine.” She said with a pleasant smile. Though in reality she wanted to spit it out through her teeth.

She had decided to go in with a tactic. Instead of being brazen and standoffish she was going to be as pleasant as can be. If she looked like she really wanted to cooperate then this whole facade could be over with in no time.

“Well my name is Dr Gregory Stevens, though you can call me Greg if you like” 

She was not going to call him Greg. No point getting familiar with him.

“How about you tell me about yourself?”

So Rosalie lied through her teeth.

* * *

“Losing your parents at such a young age must have been hard for you?”

Oh yes losing her parents to a car crash at the tender age of 8 had taken its toll. They were on their way back from the cinema-or was it the opera?. No wait, that was Batman’s parents. Sometimes her fake stories got mixed up.  _ Her _ ‘parents’ had been watching a movie and got hit by a drunk driver.

“But your aunt was there for you”

Of course auntie Esme came to the rescue. She had been so scared but her aunt had made it all better. She may have faked a sniffle or too. Wiped away a tear that wasn’t there. She could be quite the performer when she wanted to be.

“At least you and your brother stayed together”

Oh the world would just end if she were separated from her twin brother Jasper. Note the sarcasm. She pretended that they were inseparable. After losing Mom and Dad they had to be. It was the two of them against the world.

Dr Stevens ate it all up. Whenever she said something of interest he would write a quick note of it. Rosalie had to stop herself from smirking when he did. It would give the game away and he’d know that she wasn’t being truthful. 

She used her psych degree against him. Rosalie made sure to mirror his body language to appear more open. Used her knowledge of eye contact to make just enough of it. She knew keywords to say to give him the wrong impression. 

According to Dr Stevens a lot of her inner turmoil was a result of her parents car accident. Somehow she managed to nod and look intrigued rather than laugh out loud.

She’d had five sessions with him overall and they were just as easy as everyone thought it would be. Maybe a couple more and the doctor would sign her off and she would never have to go back to that decrepit old place.

Currently she was half dangling out of the front of one of her cars. One part of the engine was a bit hard to reach and she had to stretch. A new part had arrived yesterday and she was eager to replace the rusted old one. Hopefully this would help it run smoother.

Cars were her thing. She could understand them. They often presented a puzzle and it was immensely satisfying when she figured it out. 

A light pattering of feet began gliding her way. By the speed and sound, Rosalie easily determined that it was Alice. She paid her no mind and continued what she was doing.

_ Just a little more to the left. A twist here and.. _

“Rosalie!” Alice’s voice was a lot louder than she had been expecting.

The noise made her hand tense ever so slightly. However, even that small amount of force was enough to render the part useless. A small crack rang through the air as the piece of metal in her hand split in two. Rosalie closed her eyes and sighed down her nose.

“Well that was a waste of $200” 

Rosalie extricated herself from the car’s engine and threw the now broken part on the ground. It left a small divot in the concrete. She rounded on Alice with an unimpressed look in her eye. Her braided hair flung over her shoulder.

“Sorry” said Alice “But this is important”

Rosalie shrugged. An indication for Alice to continue.

“Dr Stevens's wife is going to go into labour tomorrow” she explained. “It will be unexpected and he’ll go on paternity leave”

Dr Stevens was going to have a baby? 

The idea gave her a bad taste in her mouth. She could feel that ugly jealousy rearing its head. It curled in her stomach and Rosalie felt her jaw tighten. It always felt like these things were thrown in her face. Mocking her.

“What’s that got to do with me?” she spat, crossing her arms over her chest. Not caring to disguise the displeasure from her voice.

“It means that you’re going to get a new counsellor” said Alice.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow. What did this really have to do with anything?

Alice rolled her eyes “It means that you’ll probably have to stick it out for longer. Dr Stevens was nearly ready to let you go but now you’ve got to start all over again”

Ah that made sense.

“God Dammit!” Just when she thought this was all over something had to go wrong

* * *

Rosalie waited in that damn hallway. She’d been waiting for over 20 minutes. In the panic of Dr Stevens’s wife going into labour they had tried to contact a backup counsellor. You would think that they would have just cancelled this session but  _ no  _ they were too good for that. Alice hadn’t been able to see who would be her new therapist because they hadn’t made the decision yet. It left Rosalie twiddling her thumbs and lamenting about what other human she would have to tell her ‘life story’ too. Would they be just as useless?

Just as Rosalie was about to make a huff and leave she heard a voice coming from the reception. 

“I’m here, I’m here sorry I’m late. Now which office am I in?”

The accent was british. It was melodic and had a musical quality to it. Something about it suddenly sent Rosalie on high alert. She straightened in her seat.

There was a few more back and forths between the newcomer and the receptionist before footsteps made their way towards her. Heels clicked against the linoleum floors. The scent of the newcomer hit Rosalie’s nose before she saw her. Sweet and floral. And definitely not human.

Her nostrils widened and she was on her feet in a split second. Instinct told her to move into a defensive crouch to bare her teeth. However, she ignored them. Standing her ground instead. Not willing to show the newcomer that they had affected her in any way.

The newcomer finally rounded the corner. Gold eyes met gold eyes. A stunned smile stretched across the newcomer’s face. 

“Well this is a nice surprise”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished my other fic so I'm gonna attempt to finish this one too x

Rosalie was frozen. Stock still in the middle of the corridor. It had been quite a few years since she had been surprised by the sudden appearance of another vampire. Alice was usually around to warn everyone. Failing that, she could normally scent them from miles away. 

But this encounter was a complete shock. It felt like she had lost her footing despite both feet being firmly planted on the ground. The dynamics had shifted and Rosalie was reeling to regain control of the situation.

The woman in front of her looked to be in her mid to late 30’s. Though that was no indication for how long she had actually lived. Her skin was vampire pale but Rosalie had a feeling that she had probably been quite pale as a human too. Her hair was a light blonde. It was very short and feathered around her head. She wore a deep blue jumpsuit that seemed to be vintage.

“Ah, you must be Rosalie,” the woman said.

She seemed to be exceptionally cheerie. Her smile was very motherly and kind. The type of face one might open up to. 

“I’d shake your hand but they’re a bit full at the moment,” she said.

Her arms were filled with several files and, strangely enough, a potted plant. She breezed past Rosalie towards one of the unopened doors. After a bit of reshuffling, she piled all of her items into one arm and unlocked the door.

“Come through, come through. Sit wherever you like. I haven’t had the chance to sort through this office yet” she said, while switching the light on. 

Dust motes swirled in the air as she entered. “I don’t think this office has been used in a while.” she said, mostly to herself. “I’ll need to give it a dusting at some point.”

Rosalie had made no indication that she was going to move. Only her eyes had moved as she followed the woman’s path. She was debating with herself whether or not she should make a run for it. Was this newcomer a threat?

_ What the hell is going on? _

The woman dumped most of her files on the desk and placed the potted plant in the window. Then she turned back towards the open door and motioned for Rosalie to come through. 

“Come on in, dear. I don’t bite” she said.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow. Then the woman seemed to realise her mistake. “Ah, wrong choice of words. But I mean it though. You are perfectly safe in here.”

Rosalie did not quite believe that but she was not about to let this woman know that she was affected by her presence. Curiosity was also rearing its big head too. Just who was this random vampire?

So she conceded and made her way into the room. Once again she chose the chair that was closest to the door. Ensuring that her back was never exposed.

The woman closed the door behind her. The click of a closed door had never sounded so ominous.

“Right, Introductions,” the woman clapped as she made her way over to the seat opposite Rosalie. “I am Dr Gillian Miller and it seems that I am your new counsellor.”

Dr. Miller slid into the chair with a fluid grace. She faced Rosalie with an expectant air.

“Are you seriously a therapist?” Rosalie asked, finally breaking her silence.

The corners of Dr. Miller’s mouth ticked upwards ever so slightly. As if she saw Rosalie finally speaking as a success. “I am indeed. I’ve done this for over 30 years now. And you may be surprised to hear this but you’re not even the first vampire I’ve had as a client.”

She sounded genuine and Rosalie could not detect any insincerity in her face. Rosalie’s eyebrows shot up. “Seriously!”

“Well as you can probably expect, being a vampire comes with its own unique trauma’s” Dr. Miller continued.

“Yeah, no shit.” Rosalie whispered underneath her breath.

“I expect you probably want to know a bit more about me before we start. Therapist’s don’t usually tell our clients about ourselves but I feel like, in this situation, it would be more beneficial.”

Rosalie nodded. The more she knew about her the more relaxed she would feel

“Right so, I was born in 1945 just as the war in England was ending. I studied to become a therapist while I was human and I think I was quite good at it.” She somehow managed not to sound smug. More like it was just a fact. “I was changed in 1982. By one of my own clients actually. He had only just been changed himself and he didn’t know what was happening to him. He came looking for me for help but he lost control. I don’t blame him, though.”

_ Well I freaking would.  _ If the person who changed her had been someone she was supposed to be helping, Rosalie doubted she would ever forgive them.

“I never wanted to hurt people though. I love humans. All the weird and wonderful. It’s part of the reason I became a therapist anyway. I’ve seen people at their darkest, at their happiest and all shades in between. I never want to take that away from somebody. 

I think it was that mindset that helped me. It took quite a lot of work but I found that I could resist the temptation to drink human blood. Obviously, I’ve had my own share of slip ups but I’ve been mostly human free for over two decades.”

Rosalie didn’t want to admit it but she was actually impressed. Finding vegetarian vampires was so rare. Even rarer still that they had discovered the lifestyle on their own. Most never even thought that there could be another way of life. That they didn’t need to kill humans. The thought never even crossed their minds.

Rosalie found herself relaxing her rigid posture somewhat. Letting herself sink more into the seat. She no longer felt threatened by Dr. Miller. Yes, she was a strange, new vampire but she was also someone with a very high degree of control. Not like the irrational and impulsive nomads that she had come across in the past.

“I imagine you have got your own story but you can choose to share that if and whenever you please.” said Dr. Miller.

Rosalie’s grip tightened on the arms of her chair. The wood groaned ever so slightly against the force. A move which Dr. Miller definitely noticed but did not comment on.

Dr. Miller leaned over to a small side table and picked up a file. Rosalie caught a brief look at the writing as she flipped through it. Her stomach dropped when she recognised the messy scrawl of Dr Stevens. 

They were notes about her, she realised.

Dr Miller had picked up a pair of glasses of all things. They had been on a string around her neck. She placed them onto the bridge of her nose as she skimmed through the papers. It was a move that drew Rosalie up short.  _ She’s a vampire what the hell does she need glasses for.  _ Her eyesight was no doubt perfect so it was a strange action to take.

Dr. Miller finished reading and turned back to Rosalie. There was amusement clear in her eyes and a barely restrained smile.

“So,” she held the file in the air “Am I right in thinking that most-if not all-of this is quite frankly bullshit?”

“Are you even allowed to say that?” Rosalie said with a pointed laugh.

This whole situation was just beyond bizarre. Rosalie didn’t even know what to think anymore.

“Say what? Bullshit?” she asked. “Of course I’m allowed to swear, we’re both adults here. It’s not the case of it being allowed in a professional sense either. It’s about what we feel a client will respond to better. I once knew a therapist that would shoot foam darts at his patients whenever they said something bad about themselves.”

“Obviously, if you prefer I refrain from such profanity, then I shall” she added onto the end.

“No, no it’s fine. Just unexpected I guess” It was also quite refreshing to hear. Most people treated her like a kid and it was beyond frustrating. Especially considering she was old enough to be their grandmother.

Dr. Miller nodded. Then she twisted around and threw the whole file into the trash can by her desk. Well over six feet away. It would have been considered a trick shot had she been human. Rosalie flicked her eyes between the trash can and Dr. Miller. 

Dr. Miller was just so completely different than what she expected. Even if she had been human Rosalie felt like she still would have been thrown off by her. She was loath to admit it but Dr. Miller was quite a fascinating woman. 

Dr. Miller got out a new pad and pen. “Let’s start from the top shall we. You can tell me a bit about yourself and why you are here in the first place.”

Rosalie tapped her fingers against the arm of the chair. Where would she even begin? She knew she had to at least mention her family. Dr. Miller was bound to bump into one of them at some point. Or just their scents. It was best that there weren't any surprises on that front. The last thing they needed was for this new vampire to start snooping around and find out about Edward’s dirty little secret.

They would have to be extra careful that they were not discovered. If Dr. Miller found out and went to the Volturi they were screwed. She was not about to lose everything just because her idiot brother couldn’t stay away from his precious Bella for two seconds.

“Well I’ve been a vampire since 1933. I was changed by a man called Carlisle and I’ve been with him and his family ever since.” Rosalie started.

“When you say family, what do you mean by that?” Dr Miller inquired. She looked genuinely intrigued.

“There’s seven of us in total. We consider ourselves a family rather than a coven. Five of us were either 18 or under when we turned so we’re considered the ‘Kids’. We all go to Forks High to blend in. Carlisle and Esme are older so they’re considered our ‘Parents’. I have a mate called Emmett and two of the other ‘kids’ are a mated pair as well.”

“That is amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever come across such a phenomenon amongst vampires. I thought I was rather alone with my ability to control myself among Humans yet here you are with a whole family of you blending in.” said Dr. Miller.

Rosalie did nothing to smother the smugness blooming on her face.  _ You’re damn right we’re amazing. _ It felt good to have another vampire recognise that for once. Most of the time they would just look at her family with pity or scorn.

“We are pretty unique, I guess.” Rosalie smirked.

“And are they all like us?” Dr. Miller pointed to her very gold eyes.

“Vegetarian? Oh yeah we all are. I’ve never known anything different.”

“Vegetarian?” Dr Miller laughed. “You know that is rather a good way of putting it actually. I might steal that one.”

“It’s all yours.”

Dr. Miller straightened up a bit in her chair, positioning her pen at the ready. “Right, now in your own words can you describe to me why you are here.”

“Because my principal’s an asshole,” Rosalie said with a quirked brow.

“That may be but I doubt that is the whole reason”

Rosalie sighed and crossed her arms. “One of the disgusting little High School boys raped his girlfriend and was bragging about it. I may have shoved him into the lockers and rendered him unconscious for several hours.”

“I see.” said Dr. Miller, her face remained annoyingly neutral.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. _ And what exactly do you see? _ Dr. Miller scribbled a few notes down onto her paper. When Rosalie tried to peek at them she couldn’t understand a word. Either it was written in a language she wasn’t familiar with or it was some kind of shorthand. Either way it irritated her that she didn’t know what Dr. Miller was writing about her.

“Are you normally prone to acts of violence against humans, Rosalie?”

“No, this was the first time.” she shook her head hard.

But that was not entirely true though. Rosalie bit the inside of her cheek. The deaths of seven different men flashed across her mind. Every single one of them was a wretched monster and deserved what they got. But her jaw tightened and her hands curled into fists when she thought of them.

Dr. Miller nodded and wrote a few more notes. “Was there anything about this situation that caused you to act uncharacteristically? A trigger of some kind? I doubt someone who can blend in as well as you can, would become aggressive over nothing.”

Rosalie glared at Dr. Miller. She could tell that she was fishing for something. “He raped his girlfriend. That’s not nothing.”

“No, no, you are quite right. It’s very much not nothing.” said Dr. Miller. “Could you tell me what you were feeling at the time?”

Rosalie thought back to that moment. The boys and their smug voices. It sent a wave of revulsion through her even now. Too reminiscent of her own experience when she heard her attackers congratulating themselves. She remembered the way her notebook exploded in her grip. The way that Drew tried to leer over her. She remembered how for a split second it wasn’t Drew’s face she was seeing but Royce’s.

The fact that he could still pop up in her head after all this time disgusted her deeply.

Rosalie’s lip curled. If she had been human her hands would have been shaking. It was only her vampiric instincts that kept them steady. Not that she would ever admit that for one second. In her mind she was not affected by anything. 

“I felt angry,” Rosalie put simply.

Dr. Miller scribbled down a few more notes. “What about after you pushed him?”

“I didn’t feel anything,” Rosalie frowned and looked away.

“Really? I imagine the situation could be quite frightening. Especially if he was knocked unconscious like you said.” said Dr. Miller.

“I’m not scared!” Rosalie said abruptly.

Her eyes snapped back to Dr. Miller’s. How dare she. Rosalie was not scared. Nothing scared her.  _ Nothing.  _ Least of all those weak human boys.

“Feeling scared isn’t a bad thing.”

“I never said it was.” Rosalie bit back defensively. “Anyway, I was perfectly in control. I knew I hadn’t killed him so there was no need to be scared.”

That wasn’t entirely true. In fact it was mostly false. She had not been in control of her strength at the time. And for a brief second she wasn’t sure whether he was dead or not. The seconds between his heart beats had been some of the longest Rosalie had experienced.

But she was not about to tell her therapist that.

Dr. Miller could see that Rosalie was building up more walls around her and decided to switch up tactics. “Well, let's move onto some easier topics for now. Tell me more about yourself.”

Rosalie was infinitely relieved with the topic change. She told Dr. Miller about herself. Only superficial things mind you. Rosalie was not someone who shared easily. Especially not to a vampire stranger that she was still unsure of. 

So far though, she did not think that she would be a threat to her family in any way. In fact she felt like Carlisle would have a field day. He would want to get to know her immediately. Rosalie wouldn’t be surprised if he offered her a place among them.

That man had some seriously strong familial instincts.

So Rosalie only told her things like what her favourite animal to hunt was and what places she had lived in before. They shared a bit of a moment as they both recounted living through the twentieth century. It wasn’t often that Rosalie got to speak with someone about it outside of her family. It was refreshing to get a new perspective.

Rosalie was a little confrontational when the topic of her vampiric status came up. Dr. Miller wanted to know if she missed being human or if she had fully embraced the vampire lifestyle. Of course she wanted to be human! She didn’t think she had ever wanted anything more. She had to control her voice to stop herself from shouting that out loud. 

Dr. Miller gave her a weirdly attentive look when she said that. Something that Rosalie was not comfortable with.

Thankfully she managed to steer the conversation back to Dr. Miller. It turned out that Dr. Miller had cut her hair back in the 80’s for some trend and now she always despaired that it would never grow again. She was on her toes for when short hair came back into fashion. Rosalie laughed at that but she did sympathise with her. She had no idea how Alice coped with short hair either.

When Rosalie inquired about Dr. Miller’s glasses she laughed and took them off her nose. Apparently they were a part of her ‘human’ disguise. People felt more at ease with her if it seemed like she had some kind of flaw. Poor eyesight was just one of the easiest ones to display.

By the end of her session Rosalie was quite happy. Despite the rough start it turned out to be a good chat. It felt good to speak with someone who actually knew what she was talking about. No veiled sentences with double meanings, just facts.

“Well it was nice talking to you, Rosalie. I haven’t had a proper chat with another vampire in  _ ages. _ ” Dr. Miller flipped her notepad closed and began to put things away. “I guess I will be seeing you in a couple of days.”

Rosalie had been getting out of her chair but she froze. “Wait, what?”

“For your next session.”

“Aren’t you just going to sign the paper and say that I’m free to go. Surely you know that I don’t actually need to be here.” Rosalie was standing now with her arms crossed.

Dr. Miller got to her feet and moved about at a completely carefree pace. She was not ruffled by Rosalie’s demeanour in the slightest. “Just because you are a vampire doesn’t mean that I won’t do my job, Rosalie. I’m still a therapist at heart. And anyway I think you would benefit from some counselling sessions.”

Rosalie was dumbstruck, staring at Dr.Miller as if she had three heads. _ I don’t need therapy.  _ She was perfectly fine on her own, thank you. Who was this person to say that she needed therapy?

Her mind seemed to neglect that fact that the person in question was actually a therapist.

“I can’t believe this,” Rosalie huffed before quickly leaving.

She hurried down the corridor as fast as was physically possible while retaining a human speed limit. The further away she got from this insane situation the better.

“See you friday.” she heard as she left the building.

Rosalie didn’t bother to reply and made a mad dash for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Dr. Gillian Miller as Gillian Anderson's character Jean Milburn from sex education. Hence the very creative name choice lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short chapter today. It was going to be a part of a bigger one but I felt like it did not fit with it very well so I made it it's own thing

Rosalie made it back home in record time. Usually she would wander back at a sedate pace. Or as sedate as vampire super speed can be anyway. But today she felt like the faster she made it home the quicker she could get her head around this whole situation.

As soon as she entered the house everyone was already gathered in the entryway. Alice must have had a vision of her little encounter and informed them all.

Esme stood with her arms folded and a very concerned look on her face. Carlisle stood next to her with a more neutral expression but that was only from years of control. Everyone else was in varying states of confusion or outright panic. Edward was pacing so quickly he would have been a blur to a human. It was almost enough to give a vampire a headache.

“Thanks for the warning.” Rosalie said sarcastically towards Alice.

Alice looked a little hurt by her remark. Rosalie couldn’t bring herself to care at that moment. She was too worked up as it is.

“I didn’t see it. They didn’t choose her until the last minute. It was supposed to be an older lady but her cat knocked her phone off the hook and she missed the call.” Alice said hurriedly.

Rosalie groaned loudly. “I don’t care about some stupid old woman or her dumb cat. I want to know what happens now. Is she a threat or not?”

“What can you tell us about her Rose?” Esme asked.

Rosalie thought briefly for a second before reeling off everything that she knew about the woman. With a vampire’s memory it was easy enough to recall their conversation with pinpoint accuracy. The more she spoke the more the tension eased in the room. They all relaxed their rigid postures somewhat.

Except for Edward that is. But that guy was strung tighter than a snapped guitar string.

Alice’s face went blank. Her eyes searching for things that weren’t there. She was like that for a solid minute until she zoned back in. “She doesn’t seem to be a threat. She seems to be a genuine therapist and her thirst is very controlled” Alice shrugged.

“That’s good.” Said Carlisle. “At least we won’t have to worry about any humans safety or risking exposure.”

Rosalie was about to speak up when Edward cut in. “But what if she finds out about Bella? We don’t know what her opinion might be, she might run to the Volturi.”

“With her being vegetarian I have a feeling that she wouldn’t have a very high opinion of the Volturi. So there is a good chance that she would not go to them.” said Carlisle “Nevertheless you are going to have to be careful. Try not to spend too long in public together.”

Edward’s jaw tightened but he nodded all the same.

“Okay, her being low risk is all well and good but where does that leave me?” Rosalie tried to meet all of their eyes.

She was greeted back by gazes of confusion. “What do you mean?” Jasper asked.

Rosalie shook her head and looked at him like he was an absolute idiot. “What do you mean ‘What do I mean’? I’m the one who apparently now has her as a therapist.”

There was a collective ‘oh’ around the room as the penny dropped. Alice had the audacity to look away in shame. “You still have to go, Rosalie” she murmured.

“Are you kidding me?” said Rosalie.

Edward finally stood still. “It’ll be fine. You just need to take one for the team.”

Rosalie was taken aback. Why the hell did she have to ‘take one for the team’ when no one else was? The whole situation was just beyond unfair.

“Why don’t you do it instead,  _ Eddy _ ? You’re the one who actually needs therapy” Rosalie bit back.

Edward growled in what Rosalie assumed was supposed to be a menacing way but she thought it sounded more like a disgruntled puppy. His eyes were like fire and he looked like he was trying to glare holes into her head. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You’re a vampire trying to get your rocks off with a human of course you need professional help.” said Rosalie.

Several people stepped in before either of them could launch at the other. Emmett was by her side in an instant with a protective arm around her middle. He rubbed her back with soothing circles, trying to de-escalate the situation.

Jasper and Alice had rushed over to Edward, pushing him back. Carlisle stood in the middle with both of his arms outstretched.

“Right, I think we’ve all had a stressful day and we could all do with some breathing room.” Said Carlisle. “Edward, why don’t you go for a run.”

Edward’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? Why do I have to leave? She started it.” Edward pointed at her accusingly.

“Rosalie has only just gotten home and she is the one who had the encounter today.” said Carlisle.

Edward huffed and ran his hands through his hair. Rosalie gave him a saccharine smile and a condescending wave. _ Have a nice run! _

Edward mumbled something about her being immature before charging away. He chose to go out the back way. His speed created a small wind in his wake and he ran too close to one of Esme’s vases. No one had been watching him leave so they didn’t realise until there was the sound of ceramic smashing against the laminate.

_ He’s such a drama queen. _

“Oh, not the Rosenthal!” Esme lamented. “I knew I shouldn’t have put it so close to the door.”

“Don’t worry Esme we can do that thing where we stick it back together and paint it gold. It’ll look really cool.” Said Emmett. “What was it called again?”

Rosalie turned to smile at her goofball of a husband. “Kintsugi.”

“That’s the one. You’re so clever babe” His eyes lit up and he smiled down at her.

Rosalie very much wanted to kiss his adorable face. She knew for a fact that Emmett already knew the answer. He just liked to hear her be clever.

“Thanks babe”

* * *

Carlisle decided that he would go and give their newcomer a visit. He waited until everyone was settled down again before he made to leave. 

Rosalie had drawn herself a bath and would lounge in it for a good hour or two. He could already hear the music blasting out of the bathroom. There was very little opportunity to be truly alone in a house full of vampires. So she cranked the speakers up as loud as they could go. It was her way of drowning out everyone else. 

It wasn’t the most pleasant of things, Carlisle will admit. But she did not do it very often so he did not ask her to turn it off. If it brought her some comfort he was loath to remove it.

Jasper and Alice had eventually trailed after Edward as they knew what his moods could be like. He was prone to bouts of anger and melancholia. Hopefully they got to him before his mood sunk too low. 

Now Carlisle was an incredibly sympathetic man but it was times like this when he was glad that he wasn’t turned when he was a teenager. They may all be decades older but they all still retained their teenage mindsets. Some days it was a blessing and other days...it was not.

He gave Esme a kiss goodbye before going out to his car. He could have run but for appearances sake he didn’t want people to question him if they saw him. The journey did not take very long any way. Carlisle did not drive quite as recklessly as the rest of them did but he will admit that he had a tendency to drive a little over the speed limit.

Carlisle pulled up at the nearby parking lot and climbed out of his car. Rosalie’s scent still lingered on the air but it was fading fast. But there was a second vampire scent that still hung heavy.

_ She must still be here. That’s good. _

Carlisle was actually incredibly excited to meet this woman. He was just very good at keeping his face neutral. Though he would never be able to fool Jasper. The boy had arched his brow and gave him an amused look when he said that he was heading out.

Situations like this hardly ever happened. The last-and only-time Carlisle had found fellow vegetarian vampires had been the Denali coven. And that was many years ago now.

Not only was Dr. Miller vegetarian, she was also a doctor! This was the first time he had found someone who had a similar circumstance to him. Carlisle would have been bouncing on the balls of his feet if he did not have years of behavioural control under his belt.

Carlisle sidled up to the building. There was a back entrance that was seldom watched. Even if someone did see him though they probably would not suspect anything amiss. He was a doctor after all. The only reason he chose the less busy way in was because he did not want to deal with the receptionist. He could definitely come up with a good enough reason for being here but he would prefer not to lie if he did not have to.

Carlisle followed Dr. Miller’s scent until he reached an occupied office. The door was slightly ajar and he could see her packing up for the day. Her back was to him but he was certain that she had heard him approach. Even if he hadn’t been using human style footsteps she would have been able to hear him.

He rapped on the door with a knuckle. Dr. Miller whirled around, a piece of her hair fell in front of her eyes as she did so. But Carlisle still caught the way they widened fractionally in surprise. 

So she had not scented him then. She probably thought he was another human knocking on.

“Oh, hello.” She said with a smile. 

She flicked her hair out of her face and placed it behind her ear. “Do come in. I was just sorting a few things out for tomorrow.” 

She leaned down to pick up some of her notes and put them into a file. Carlisle slipped through the door and closed it softly behind him.

“Hello, I just thought it would be good to introduce myself.” He extended his hand towards her “I’m Dr Carlisle Cullen.”

She reached over and shook his hand strongly. “Ah so you’re the ‘father’?”

Carlisle laughed “Yes that’s me.”

“Well I’m Dr. Gillian Miller.” Dr Miller drew her hand back but she still had a rather large grin. “I must admit I’m rather excited to meet you. You’re family is actually the first I’ve met that is like me.”

“I assure you the feeling is mutual. It’s not everyday I find another vampire doctor. I feel like I want to ask you everything but I will refrain myself” Carlisle held his hands up. “I would love for you to meet my family first.”

Dr. Miller’s face fell at that. Switching to professional mode in an instant. “As much as I would love to, I don’t think that it is in our best interests right now” she said shaking her head.

Carlisle’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I am currently Rosalie's therapist and it would be a conflict of interest for me to be interacting with her family while she is in my counsel. I always want to keep my clients best interests in mind.” Dr. Miller explained.

Carlisle nearly shook his head at how thoughtless he had been. “No, no of course you are right. That is very professional of you Dr. Miller.”

He understood her completely but that did not mean that he did not feel crestfallen. It was almost funny how desperate he was to befriend her.

“Perhaps once Rosalie’s therapy is concluded we can get to know each other better.” He added with hope.

Dr. Miller smiled back at him and nodded. “Yes that sounds lovely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like writing the Cullen kids as actual teenagers. None of this mature bullshit. Of course Rosalie and Edward would just wind each other up.
> 
> Also can you feel how desperate Carlisle is for them to be friends, lol. The guys already sizing her up to be a part of his family. She's got light blonde hair like he does perhaps she could be his 'older sister'. I have a feeling Carlisle would like to be the one with a sibling for once.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Rosalie run's a lot lol  
> I was inspired to write this chapter by a song. Born without a heart by Faouzia. It fits Rosalie perfectly as well as the general tone to the chapter.
> 
> Trigger warning-rape is mentioned towards the end of the chapter

Rosalie had originally been dreading going back to Dr. Miller. She couldn’t hide behind convenient lies anymore. Dr. Miller would definitely know if she was not telling the truth. Merely by the fact that she obviously knew everything about vampires. Also because vampires have exceptionally good memories so she could immediately bring her up on inconsistencies.

However, after a few sessions she settled in quite nicely. It turned out that being able to vent to someone about all the annoying things your family did, worked wonders. She didn’t have to monitor her thoughts, mask her feelings or try to be unpredictable. She could just unload on Dr. Miller everything that was annoying her that day.

And good God was that refreshing.

At one point she had actually started to refer to her as Gillian. There was no longer the need to keep a professional distance like there was with Dr ‘call me Gregory’ Stevens. 

It felt good to have someone on her team. Sure, she loved her family but she often felt like they were only on her side when it suited them.

“So what you’re telling me, is that you have one brother who can read your thoughts, another one who can know exactly what you are feeling and a sister that can predict every choice you make?” Gillian asked skeptically.

“Yep” said Rosalie, her lips popping on the ‘p’. 

She was trying to reiterate just how crazy her household was. Obviously she had become used to it over the years. Almost to the point that it seemed normal. But when she said it out loud she realised just how weird it was

“And is that something that they can control or is that just a constant thing?”

“As far as I know they can’t turn it off. Unless they’re lying to me just to be annoying.” she did not believe that but she would not put it past them. They were annoying. “I usually throw them off by thinking dirty thoughts. They start to scatter very quickly.”

“Interesting strategy” Gillian laughed “But if it works, it works.”

“Now, I know they’re your family and I’m sure you love them very much but how does it make you feel to be under the microscope like that?”

Rosalie let out a groan. “Ugh it’s awful. Well not all the time. Most of the time it’s fine but there will just be times when you didn’t even realise that you’ve thought something and then suddenly they’re arguing with you. 

“Or Alice would just wander in and tell me not to do something when I only had the barest hint of an idea anyway. If I wasn’t a vampire, I would be exhausted.”

“Yes, I can imagine. Living in a house with no privacy must be tremendously difficult.” said Gillian.

“ _ Thank _ you.”

“Even the most open of people need some time to think their own thoughts.” Gillian sat up a bit straighter. “I think it would be beneficial for you to have a place of your own.”

Rosalie’s eyebrows drew together. Was she saying she should ditch her family?

“Not as a permanent thing mind you. I just think that there should be a secure place that is just your own. Whether that be an apartment somewhere or even just a nice overhang on a cliffside. Though, it would probably be nicer to be in an actual room. It would definitely be drier.” Gillian chuckled.

“But the point is that it would be your space. Completely private where you can think your own thoughts and feel your own emotions without feeling like you are being monitored by anyone.”

“We all need to be able to let our thoughts run free every once in a while. Especially considering that things often pop into our head that we don’t actually want. These are intrusive thoughts and are almost always not what you actually believe. I imagine that someone hearing those and thinking that they were your true thoughts can be mentally exhausting.” said Gillian.

Rosalie sat back in her chair and nodded. That made a lot of sense. Especially the intrusive thought part. There had been quite a few times recently when Edward had snapped at her. She would be looking at Bella and a sudden thought would pop into her mind. There were times when they were actually quite violent.

Like  _ You could snap her arm like a twig _ or  _ If you pushed her she would be crushed against the wall. _

Now she didn’t actually want to hurt Bella. The thought was repellent to her. She may not like her but that didn’t mean that she wanted to hurt her.

In these circumstances her intrusive thoughts were more her brain telling her what could go wrong. Bella was human and fragile. Of course she could snap her arm like a twig. If anything, these thoughts were warnings. 

Not that Edward saw it that way. When he heard them he instantly got angry. It took a good while to convince him that she didn’t actually want to harm Bella in any way.

So having a place of her own actually sounded like a good idea. Even if it was only somewhere that she went to once a week. Obviously Emmett would always be invited, though. He wasn’t one of the people she needed space from.

Esme would 100% be behind the decision. Especially if she got to help decorate the place.

* * *

Rosalie should have realised that it wouldn’t be completely smooth sailing. That therapy wasn’t just a chance for her to rant about her problems. She would also be exposed and asked difficult questions. 

If only she had realised this beforehand. Then she wouldn’t have been blindsided when it happened.

* * *

“I would say that you were quite a controlled person.” said Gillian as she sat back in her seat. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

She had to get up and draw the blinds as a brief stream of sunlight came through the window. Rosalie wasn’t too bothered by it because Alice had warned her. The sun would be completely hidden by the time her session was through. So there was nothing to worry about.

“I would say so yes.” she said with a smug kind of pride.

“Especially for a vampire.” Gillian added.

“I have never fed from a human before.”

“Ever?” said Gillian.

Rosalie shook her head and the hint of a smile curled at the corner of her lips. She liked it when people recognised her strengths.

“That is very impressive, Rosalie. A gold-star vegetarian if you will. Would you say that you pride yourself on that control?” asked Gillian.

Rosalie failed to notice the change in Gillian’s tone when she asked the question. It had become more forward and careful. But she was still preening from the compliment. 

“I would. It takes a lot of hard work and very few people recognise that.” 

Many in her family tended to forget that, other than Carlisle, she had the best restraint of all of them. It was something that she worked at every day. 

“And what happens when you  _ lose _ that control?” asked Gillian. Each word was level and sounded carefully chosen.

Rosalie stiffened. She had been leaning back in her chair, relaxed in Gillian’s presence. But now she sat up straight.

Gillian noted Rosalie's change in demeanor but still persisted “When something happens to you that you cannot change or prevent. What happens then?”

Rosalie blinked. She found herself wanting to shift or fidget or Gillian’s gaze. An unusual feeling, seeing as a vampire’s default state was to become still as a statue. 

Ever since she was turned, the thought of losing her control in any way was almost painful. It may have resulted in a few ‘control-freak’ comments through the years. 

Rosalie looked down at her hands so that Gillian would not see any of the conflict in her eyes. She began to wring her hands together.

“Err I don’t know…” she muttered, not wanting to give a true answer. 

She just wanted Gillian to drop it. It’s not as if she ever really lost control anyway. so this conversation was pointless.

However, Gillian clued into her uncharacteristically vague answer. Rosalie was usually very clear with her responses. Gillian immediately recognised that she had broached a tough subject. Instead of backing away, like she may have done previously, she felt like they had reached a point in which she could push Rosalie somewhat.

“How about an example?” said Gillian. “Your brother’s newest relationship perhaps.”

Rosalie was on her feet in an instant. Her eyes were wide and alarm bells had reached a fever pitch in her mind. If she had a heart it would have been pummeling against her chest with the force of a sledgehammer.

_ How?! How did she find out?  _ Rosalie was fighting the urge to flee. An urge that made her want to grit her teeth in anger.  _ What was she going to do? Would she rat them out? _

“What? I don’t..I don’t know what you mean” she tried to say it nonchalantly but it ended up being spat through bared teeth.

“Oh don’t worry dear, I won’t be telling anybody. Your secret is perfectly safe with me. I take confidentiality very seriously. As long as all concerned parties are consenting then I don’t think it is my place to get involved” Gillian raised a hand as if trying to placate Rosalie.

She felt a brief moment of relief with Gillian’s words. However, she refused to relax her posture in any way. Now she was on edge and ready to flee at any second.

Gillian persisted even though Rosalie was no longer sitting down. “Now, back to the matter at hand. How does this relationship make you feel? He is doing something very dangerous. Something that could potentially bring harm to you or your family and you cannot control it. How does that make you feel?”

A faint tremor began to build in Rosalie’s hands. She tried to curl them into fist but the shake didn’t go away. Her eyes burned into Gillian’s. The air in the room became tense as she glared at her. Well on Rosalie's side anyway. Gillian was as unflappable as ever and did not appear to be affected in any way.

“Angry.” she spat. 

Her voice wavered in a very unvampirelike way. Enough for Rosalie to notice it and hate it.  _ How dare she affect me like this. _

“How do you usually cope when you get angry?” Gillian asked.

Her mind was suddenly filled with the images of blood. Clinging to her hands. Staining her clothes. 

Whenever her anger got too much she would go hunting. Only, when she was angry her control all but vanished. She would tear into those poor creatures like a savage. Ripping them apart limb from limb until what was left over barely resembled the animal it had once been.

A monster. In those moments she couldn’t be anything but. What kind of sick person could mutilate an animal like that unless they were a monster.

The shake in her hands grew more pronounced. “Badly.” she said after a while.

“Like when you pushed Drew into the lockers?” Gillian inquired.

Her face was blissfully neutral and Rosalie wanted to tear it right off.

“I guess.” said Rosalie.

“And is it only anger you feel in those moments?”

“Yes,” Rosalie said all too quickly. “I mean, yeah. Just angry.”

“So you don’t get scared at all?”

“No! I’m not scared. I  _ don’t _ get scared.” Rosalie urged. 

Though at this point it was more like she was trying to convince herself. Gillian looked very unconvinced by Rosalie’s pleading.

“Not even a little bit?” Gillian tilted her head. “You are dealing with the unknown here. These situations can cause a great deal of fear in anybody. Do you think, perhaps, that this heavy anger that you are feeling might stem from this fear?”

Rosalie tried to scoff but it sounded hollow even to her own ears.

“Maybe this lack of control actually makes you feel _ very _ scared. And the feeling of being scared is so repellent to you that it makes you angry.”

Rosalie backed up. “Shut up. You’re wrong. You don’t know me.”

“You lose control and become scared. Which makes you angry. Which ultimately leads you to lose control. Thus perpetuates a cycle. Acknowledging your fear will be a great first step in helping to overcome it.”

Rosalie was done listening. 

She fled. 

The sun had only just gone behind the clouds when she ran out of the building. But at that moment she wouldn’t have cared. She just needed to run.

Soon she was completely enveloped by the surrounding forest. But she did not feel the relief she normally felt while she was in there. It was usually her safe place but now she was in panic mode.

Her thoughts were spiraling and even her breathing had increased. A strange circumstance considering that she didn’t actually need to breathe. Some innate instinct left over from her human self must have still been linking panic with heavy breathing. Which she wouldn’t have minded-if she could actually get herself to stop.

Instead it just seemed to be exacerbating her already fragile mental state.

She was not scared.

She never got scared. That was a pretty big thing she had decided when she was turned. Rosalie had vowed to herself that she would never be scared by anyone or anything again. She was the epitome of strength and beauty and speed. Under no circumstances would she ever need to be afraid again.

Because if she was afraid...

...If she was scared then people like Royce won. It allowed a part of him to still affect her. And she simply could not have that.

_ Why won’t my hands stop fucking shaking?! _

Rosalie let out a feral, animalistic roar and smashed her fist through a tree. It splintered like a toothpick around her hand, throwing sharp pieces of wood across the forest floor. Like shrapnel. Some of them pierced her clothes but obviously didn’t pierce her skin. The whole thing came crashing down with a mighty crack.

Thankfully it helped to lessen the tremors in her hands. Tremors that, rightly, should not really be possible. She was a vampire after all and vampires don’t shake.

Rosalie couldn’t believe that she let Gillian get that much into her head that even her vampire instincts had been thrown out the window.

By the time that she got back home she was mostly under control again. She charged through the front door to find people already there once again. She could see that a habit had started to form and she did not like it one bit.

Alice must have seen her meltdown and told everyone. A fact that made Rosalie want to rage.

“I’m not going back, you can’t make me.” Rosalie growled.

“Rosalie what’s wrong? What happened?” Carlisle’s tone was fatherly and concerned.

“I’m not doing this anymore, I’m done. She can rot in hell for all I care.” She couldn’t believe that she had actually grown to like her. The woman had just been biding her time to pounce on her.

“Babe, are you okay?” Emmett tried to reach for her but she shoved his hand away.

“No, I’m done. I just want to leave this god forsaken place” 

Rosalie just wanted to write off Forks completely. Strike it from the record and act like they had never even been here. Even she knew that was over kill but right now she didn’t care.

“Rosalie you know we can’t leave.” Edward piped up from the back of the room. 

He had Bella half hidden behind his back protectively. The fact that Bella was here to witness her like this only caused her fury to rise.

“And if you stop going to therapy then the principal will start becoming harder on all of us. He’ll stop us from not coming in when the sun’s out.” Alice also chimed in.

Rosalie took a step backwards as if she had been slapped. “The only reason you want to stay is because of  _ her.”  _ She pointed directly at Bella and glared. Edward tucked her further behind him.

Rosalie turned her glares to everyone else. “You don’t care about what I’m going through, at all. I’m the person who has to deal with this, not you. If Bella wasn’t in the picture we’d be fine.”

She knew that wasn’t strictly true. Bella had not been involved in Rosalie being sent to therapy. However, she was currently the obstacle stopping her from escaping.

“That’s not fair Rosalie. Bella didn’t have anything to do with this.” said Edward.

Rosalie took another step back. They weren’t on her side at all. None of them wanted to consider her opinion. She never felt so alone.

“You all think I’m selfish. Like I only ever care about myself. I can see it in your eyes. You think I’m a heartless bitch.”

Rosalie stormed back out of the house, smashing the door on her way out. She barely registered the sound of breaking glass over the roaring in her ears. Once again she was running away into the forest.

The shake in her hands was back with full force and she just wanted to scream. So she did.

Screamed so much that the sudden presence of an arm around her nearly made her jump out of her skin. She hadn’t noticed Emmett’s arrival until he was literally right next to her. He brought her into a bone crushing hug, tucking her head under his chin. 

Rosalie didn’t push him away this time instead she allowed herself to be held. Her nose brushed his neck and she inhaled deeply. His sweet scent never failed to have a calming effect on her. After a few moments she felt her muscles loosen and her body start to relax.

“I’m always on your side, Rose. Remember that.” he said into the top of her head. Then he pulled back so that he could see her. “Babe, look at me please.”

Rosalie raised her head and saw the worry in his eyes. 

“I don’t think you’re heartless. I know you better than anyone. You care so much that you sometimes feel like you’re gonna explode. If you didn’t care about others then I wouldn’t be here.” said Emmett.

That was right in a way. If Rosalie hadn’t cared she would have never stopped that bear from attacking Emmett. Would never have carried him all that way.

“We can go off on our own if you like.” said Emmett “We haven’t done that in a while. Maybe we can get married again.”

Rosalie smiled at that. “I would like that.”

Could she really just leave? If her and Emmett left out of the blue there would definitely be repercussions. Carlisle would have to come up with an explanation about why two of his children had suddenly gone missing. It would cause a big stir and the rumour mill could be going crazy.

_ No screw them. They can deal with it.  _ She was no longer going to care about them. If they weren’t on her side then she would not even feel an ounce of guilt about it.

* * *

Rosalie decided that she wanted to tell Gillian to her face. She wanted to go over there and tell her that she wasn’t going to come back. It felt like she needed to say it in person. Also, she would be lying if she said that she didn’t want an argument.

Emmett went back home to gather some things together. He wanted to come with her but Rosalie told him that she would be fine on her own. It was nearly nightfall when she returned to the therapist building. Luckily it seemed that Gillian hadn’t packed up for the evening yet. She was still in her office.

Rosalie slipped through the building undetected. Most of the people that worked there had already gone home. The only people Rosalie could hear was a cleaner and one other therapist typing away at his computer.

Rosalie barged her way into Gillian’s office. The woman in question was packing her file away. She paused briefly as Rosalie entered. As unruffled as ever.

Her eyes held concern and she gave Rosalie a reassuring smile. “Rosalie, I’m surprised to see you back.”

Rosalie froze. She had been so ready to shout. To tell her that she was leaving and never coming back. But now that she was here the words stuck in her throat. Her lips refused to move.

When Gillian looked at her something in her broke.

She couldn’t leave. How did she ever think that she could? As much as she wanted to she couldn’t just leave her family to deal with all the crap it would involve. 

She pretended like she wouldn’t care. Rightly, she shouldn’t. Why should she care about them if they didn’t care about her?

But she did and it made her want to tear her hair out. One of her hands did tighten around her blonde locks. 

“I came here to tell you that I wasn’t coming back but I can’t do it.” Rosalie growled.

Gillian put her things down and walked around the desk until she was in front of it. “And why is that?”

“Because of my stupid family. Ugh! I can’t just leave them to pick up the pieces. Despite all of this I still care about them.” Rosalie took the hand out of her hair. Both fist clenched at her side.

“They all think I’m heartless. Like I’m some kind of ice queen that has never cared for anyone but herself.

“But they’re all wrong. I wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t born without a heart. I was made into this. Even now, after everything I’ve been through I still  _ feel _ so much. It drives me insane and I want to scream. I’d rather be without a heart than feel it get broken all of the  _ damn _ time.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this”. Rosalie stopped, breathing heavy. 

She had started off at a normal volume but it had gradually gotten louder. Thankfully no one was around to hear her explosion.

“Then how was it supposed to be?” Gillian urged.

“I was supposed to be  _ human _ . To grow up and be the woman I was always meant to be. To grow old with the man I love. I was supposed to have a husband who would love me. Who would kiss me on the cheek before he went to work. Who would always look out for me and protect me.” Rosalie’s voice cracked and she drew in a shaky breath. 

Moisture began to pool in her eyes. Venom had a tendency to do that when she got upset. But she knew that they would never fall. Vampires don’t cry.

“I was supposed to be a  _ mom _ . To have a beautiful baby boy. To feel him grow inside me and bring him into this world happy and healthy. I was supposed to watch as he grew. Each milestone, each smile, each tantrum. I was going to be there for all of it. And no matter how old he got I would always be there for him. Because I would be his mommy and he would always need me.”

It felt like her whole body was shaking now. Like all of her pent up emotions were coming out at once. The liquid in her eyes almost seemed like it was about to spill over.

“But it was all  _ stolen _ from me.” she spat through her teeth. “The loving husband I was supposed to have  _ raped _ me, attacked me and left me for dead. Then Carlisle came along and I became this  _ thing.  _ This  _ monster.  _

“I never asked for this. I never wanted to be this. He took my choice away from me. He took my control” 

Now she loved Carlisle she truly did but she could never deny that he stole her agency from her that night. A part of her would never forgive him for that.

“I did everything right. I always took care of my appearance like my mom told me to. I got engaged to a  _ seemingly _ good man with a good job. I would have been the perfect wife. But I still lost all of it.

I was beaten and broken and they blame  _ me _ . They have the audacity to ask why I’m so selfish? Why I don’t feel? I feel more deeply than any of them. It’s not  _ fair _ .”

A drop of moisture landed on Rosalie’s hand and she froze. Her breath cut off in a gasp. She reached up to her cheek with a shaky hand. Only to find it wet. Another tear trickled down her face and fell off her chin.

Rosalie gasped once more.  _ I’m crying! _

The realisation caused a sob to bubble up. The sensation of it was a shock to the system.

Gillian didn’t even seem surprised. Though at this rate Rosalie wasn’t even sure she could be surprised. She stood in front of Rosalie with a box of tissues outstretched in her hand.

This was all too much. Rosalie backed out of the room, out of the building. She didn’t stop until she was surrounded by trees.

Vampires don’t cry. Vampires  _ don’t _ cry.

Yet here Rosalie was, now sobbing her heart out. She almost laughed.  _ What the hell is going on? _

But there was one thing she couldn’t deny. She couldn’t deny just how  _ good _ it felt. She had forgotten how good it could feel to just cry. To let all of her emotions out in one go. It was cathartic. It was a release she hadn’t felt for so for over 70 years.

All of the emotions she had been feeling, when she blew up at Gillian, had been there for quite some time now. Just building up and never lessening. And now-while they were still there-she felt lighter somehow. Like it was no longer smothering her.

Rain began to pour and Rosalie turned her face towards it. She just stood there for a little while and allowed the rain water to mix with her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all need a good cry sometimes don't we and Rosalie has needed one for a long while now. She very much feels like the world is against her.  
> Also for the last bit, when Rosalie goes on about how she should have had a loving husband, I know she has Emmett now but she meant while she was human. She wasn't hating on Emmett in any way I promise.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I have a spotify playlist for this story if any of you would like a listen- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/74eC4Iqp5e12G5u9ow647g?si=gLMksVZJTH-bV4asZDnlQg


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it has been quite a while since my last update. I surprised myself by coming back to this actually. This chapter isn't the greatest but at least its something lol.

So Rosalie decided to stay. Despite everything that had happened she would remain with her family. Though she could not bring herself to go home straight away. She hated the idea of having to face them. Not after she blew up so spectacularly.

She also wanted to have better composure when she eventually came back to them. Under no circumstances would they know that she had been  _ crying.  _ While the act had made her feel immeasurably better it wasn’t for them to know about. They would only see her as a freak because it shouldn’t be possible. She could already see Carlisle begging her to let him do some tests so he could find out what had happened to her.

And that was the last thing she wanted right now. So she was going to be tight lipped about the whole affair.

Emmett caught up with her at one point. She was mostly calm by then and the only moisture left on her face was the rain. He had several large duffle bags balanced across his back like some kind of insane hiker. Obviously he didn’t buckle under their weight and they barely restricted his movement at all.

The sight of him brought a smile to her face despite her recent fit of tears. He looked silly and adorable. His balancing act was also a testament to how much he cared about her. He went to collect everything because he didn’t want her to face having to go back home.

“Babe are you okay? I freaked out when you weren’t near the therapist building,” he said.

Ah, in her panic she had forgotten that they were supposed to meet up. God knows how it must have seemed when she was suddenly missing. But he must have tracked her scent to find her here.

“I’m fine. I just…” Rosalie turned away from him and said, “I couldn’t do it.”

“What do you mean?” He shrugged the bags off his back and placed a hand on her shoulder. It didn’t take much coercion to get her to face him.

“I couldn’t tell her to shove off. I couldn’t just leave everyone to deal with the shit us leaving would cause.”

Emmett lifted her chin with his finger “So are we staying?”

Rosalie sighed “I guess so,”

Emmett placed a gentle kiss on Rosalie’s lips. She responded in kind and leaned into it. It was a burst of warmth through her previous melancholy. 

He broke off the kiss and smiled down at her “We don’t have to go back straight away, babe. That’s what your sick bachelor pad is for.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling it a bachelor pad?” Rosalie smiled despite herself “You have been married for well over half a century, your bacheloring days are long gone.”

“Pfft, I meant bachelor of science pad. Because of all of your degrees obviously.”

Rosalie rolled her eyes “Obviously,”

* * *

She eventually moved back into the main house but she let her family agonise over it for a few days first. Carlisle and Esme were the first ones to see her. Everyone else was at school, she let them deal with an excuse for her absence. 

Esme was beside herself with joy and relief when she rocked up. Rosalie did not reject her hugs either. Upsetting Esme in anyway always made her feel bad. Insulting everyone else was fair game but hurting Esme was a big no. She even felt a sharp pain in her chest when Esme hugged her. Which was a new and strange sensation.

_ I must feel really bad about hurting her. _

“We’re so sorry Rosalie for making you feel like you were alone. We don’t want you to think that we don’t care about you,” Carlisle said.

“Yeah well you’re not really the ones I have a problem with right now,” Rosalie grimaced thinking of Edward’s stupid, punchable face. Even if he wasn’t the cause of a problem he always finds a way to be one anyway

“ Well I’m just happy you’re back sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?” Esme asked.

“You could keep Edward off my back,” Rosalie knew that that was an impossible feat but there was no harm in asking.

Esme frowned slightly as if she too knew that it was more or less impossible “I can speak to him and tell him you need your space.”

“Miracles can happen everyday,” said Carlisle.

Everyone else reacted more or less how she expected. Edward walked straight past her, muttering about drama queens and selfishness. Rosalie graciously supplied him the image of her beating the crap out of him in her head. When she heard a growl from upstairs she knew she had hit her mark. 

Jasper gave her a respectful nod and a smile whereas Alice shot through the door like a bullet and latched herself onto Rosalie’s side like a baby monkey. 

“I’m so so so so sorry Rose please don’t leave,” Alice begged. “If you go it will be so boring and all the boys will outnumber us. There’s only so many times that Jasper will let me put makeup on him.”

Rosalie frowned and patted her awkwardly on the head. “I’m not leaving.”

Surely Alice would have been the first to know that.

Alice jumped back with hopeful eyes “You aren’t!” Then the hope turned to confusion. “Wait, when did you decide to stay?”

“Days ago. I thought you would have seen that at least,”

“Days?! Everything around you was so cloudy and I couldn’t get a good read on you. I thought that meant that you hadn’t made your mind up yet. And now you tell me that you were never leaving!” Alice dove back in for another hug “I was so worried,”

Rosalie had no idea why Alice’s visions would be blurry around her. But she put it to the back of her mind for now.

* * *

Going back to Gillian was nothing short of mortifying. That woman had seen her at her most vulnerable and she had to go back to her after that as if nothing happened?! Only Emmett had ever really seen her that way. To everyone else she kept things bottled up. She only let people see what she wanted them to see. 

But Gillian had seen her  _ cry _ . As impossible as that was in itself.

She nearly didn’t turn up. But some insanely stubborn part of her refused to back down. If she could face Gillian after all this she could face anyone.

It went surprisingly calmly, though. Rosalie had been preparing for Gillian to pick through everything she had said with a fine tooth comb. To lay out all of her worst moments and thoughts and force her to confront them.

Instead, Gillian had been polite and actually said that she wouldn’t broach the subject until Rosalie was ready to discuss them. Which she was very happy about. Gillian even said that she was happy with the progress Rosalie had made. As if yelling at her was progress.

But Gillian was pleased that Rosalie opened up despite the way she had done it..

* * *

So everything seemed to pick up from where she left off. She went to school, she went to therapy and she went home. Life always carried on no matter how much you screamed about it.

The difference this time being that she wasn’t as hostile towards Gillian as she had been. Therapy must be Gillian’s vampire power. It’s the only explanation for Rosalie feeling comfortable enough to come back. That’s what she told herself anyway. Even though she could not detect any kind of compulsion.

After her outburst, she couldn’t really deny that she had a problem with control. Rosalie had freaked at the mere mention of it. 

She had never really had her problems laid out so succinctly. All her issues with fear and control and anger, they had never been discussed before. Nothing beyond Edward calling her a control freak anyway. But now that they were out there she could not deny them. No matter how much she wanted to.

If Gillian thought that talking through things could help her not be so gut wrenchingly angry all the time then she was willing to consider it.

Though she was prone to storming out when Gillian took something too far. It seemed to be her process. Get angry-Storm out-Actually think about what Gillian was saying-Come back and talk about it.

Gillian was frustratingly calm and blasé about it. She had no idea what would actually ruffle her feathers. Though it was probably one of the reasons that Rosalie felt like she could come back to her. If Gillian got angry like Edward or disappointed like Carlisle sometimes was she would not have hesitated to leave her in the dust.

Rosalie tried to carry on like normal. For the most part she was but recently there were a couple of incidents that brought her up short. The chest pain she felt when she had hugged Esme seemed to be a new recurring sensation. It would catch her off guard and she would rub at her chest until the pain went away.

She had heard that therapy could be painful but she didn’t think it would be physically painful. That was not what she signed up for.

Well she didn’t exactly sign up in the first place but that’s not the point.

She also had people coming up to her now. Humans! With no sense of self preservation apparently. They would ask her for a pen or have the audacity to sit next to her. Even when she would smile at them with her teeth they wouldn’t balk.

When she asked why the hell they were talking to her they had the balls to say that she “didn’t seem as scary today”. 

Being in therapy must have made them think that she was more relatable and not someone big and scary. They seemed to have forgotten the reason she was put in therapy to begin with. Hello! She nearly killed a guy. At least some level of respect and fear would be nice.

* * *

“Let’s talk about your relationship with your brother,” Gillian said.

Rosalie winced. She knew what was coming. After all her rants about Edward, Gillian had finally decided that they needed to talk through them.

“Which one?” she asked, while knowing exactly who.

Gillian smiled at her “Well we can talk about Jasper if you like but you actually seem to get on with him and there wouldn’t be many issues to work through. Whereas your relationship with Edward is a little more tumultuous to say the least.”

Rosalie couldn’t really argue with her there. But she was a little annoyed that they had to discuss  _ him _ in  _ her _ therapy session. As always he was poking his big nose where it wasn’t wanted.

“Fine, you’re right let's talk about Edward,” she conceded.

Gillain straightened up “Okay, let’s start at the beginning. How did you first meet each other?”

“Well him, Carlisle and Esme moved into my town at the start of 1933. I only ever really saw them a couple of times but I remember thinking that they were all really beautiful but also strange. I only really saw him from afar though, when I was human. The first time I really met him was a few days after my transformation. The asshole was avoiding me. 

“I wasn’t handling the transition well at all and he did not help in the slightest. He just made me feel worse because he would get angry at the thoughts I was having. I was just turned into this  _ thing _ and my own head wasn’t even private.”

“Did he tell you that himself? That he was avoiding you because of your thoughts?” Gillian interjected.

Rosalie paused “Well not exactly. Not directly anyway. He told me that he did it to give me space after I was bit but I was forever hearing him muttering about my vapid thoughts under his breath.”

“I see. I can imagine that was quite a lot to deal with. You had just been through two very traumatic experiences simultaneously. It’s not surprising that your thoughts were all over the place.” Gillian said.

“Yeah, according to him I was too emotional and self-centred.”

Gillain let out a woosh of air. “Wow. That’s just…” She tried to articulate “People need the mental space to sort through their trauma. And everyone does it in different ways. Some people will try to push it away from them and numb themselves against it. Whereas others hold it very close to their chest and feel all of it. From what I understand about you I would say that you are the latter. You feel everything very deeply.

“But that doesn’t mean that they are all bad. You need to feel your emotions in order to be able to work through them. Feeling angry and lashing out was a perfectly reasonable reaction after what you went through. Even self-centeredness is a way for your mind to protect itself.”

Rosalie had never felt in any way bad for the way she had been when she first transformed. Hearing from someone else that she shouldn’t feel bad about it either was rather refreshing.

“The problem arises later when you don’t learn how to manage these feelings in a healthy way. Anger may have helped you cope in the past but as you move further away from the trauma those old coping mechanisms are going to start hindering you.” Gillian said

_ Okay now I just feel called out.  _ Rosalie pouted.

“Anyway.” Rosalie tried to change the direction of the conversation again. “It was two years before we had a decent conversation. The day I saved Emmett was the day he realised that I wasn’t completely self absorbed like he thought I was.” said Rosalie.

The quirk of Gillian’s eyebrow suggested that she knew what Rosalie was doing but indulged her anyway. “What about happier times? You have been in each other's company for 70 years I assume it wasn’t entirely hostile.”

“No, I guess not”. Her and Edward hadn’t been at each other’s throats all the time. There had been plenty of times when they had actually gotten along. When he didn’t have a stick up his emo ass he could be quite funny. He was also rather good to have literary debates with because he was one of the most well read in the family. When she had first gotten into cars he had sat with her and read through the mechanics manuals. And he would always have her back in a fight.

Up until a few years ago he was mostly bearable. But there was something about the millennium that had sent him into a downward spiral. Probably because he was finally surpassing a humans lifespan. It made him feel even more monstrous.

Which she could understand. Probably more than anyone else in their family. But at the same time it made him  _ insufferable. _

Rosalie twirled the ends of her hair with her fingers. A habit that she had started having. She had no idea why she was fidgeting more. It just felt nicer to do something with her hands. “I was made for him you know. Carlisle tries to deny it but it’s true. He wanted me to be Edward’s mate. It makes me feel ill to think about sometimes. There I was being made up all pretty for another man I didn’t choose. Just like my parents had done.”

Gillian looked taken aback “That is quite something. So you were made for him but you are clearly not together now. What happened there?”

Rosalie turned away from Gillian’s gaze “He..er...He rejected me,”

“And that must have stung quite a bit.”

“I mean,  _ yeah, _ ”

“But you did not have any feelings for Edward?” Gillian inquired.

Rosalie’s nose wrinkled “No, oh god no. I didn’t want anything to do with him.”

“If you both felt the same then how come it hurt you so badly.”

“Because...Because. Ugh, I’ve never had someone reject me before. I was always the beautiful one. The one that people wanted even if I didn’t want them. My whole human life I was told that my beauty was the most important part about me. It was the  _ one _ thing that I took with me into this life.

“But he didn’t want me. I was the most beautiful I had ever been and he still didn’t want me. What more did I have to do? I’d already lost everything else and I didn’t have anything left to give.” God this made her sound pathetic. These days she at least knew that her family cared more about her than just her looks. But back then she didn’t know.

“But he already knew all that. He knew  _ ‘everything’ _ about me. He probably just thought I was broken.” Rosalie whispered.

“Do you think that you’re broken?”

Rosalie paused for a moment. She wasn’t sure. At the beginning she was definitely broken. But over the years Emmett and her family had healed parts of her. But there would always be pieces of her that couldn’t be healed. She would always be a monster.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.

“I value your honest answer,” Gillian nodded and moved on “Have you ever spoken about this with Edward?”

“What? No of course not”

“I think maybe you should. Perhaps clearing the air between each other might help your relationship with each other.”

“If you say so,” Rosalie said dismissively.

* * *

_ What does she know?  _ Rosalie stalked back from the Therapist's office with Gillian’s advice still in her mind.  _ Edward rejecting me did not affect me! _

Deep down she knew that Gillian was probably speaking truth but her initial reaction was always to deny it completely. 

She managed to school her thoughts before she made it home so that Edward would not be privy to what they had been discussing. Gillian said that they needed to talk but she was very much against that plan. Talking with him never seemed to end well these days. Especially if his precious Bella was nearby.

When she finally stepped through the door she nearly groaned out loud. The object of her current session wasn’t holed up in his room or at Bella’s house like he usually was. He was sat at the piano with  _ Bella _ . She was attempting to learn a piece and he was teaching her. Guiding her hands when she messed up. 

Which was a lot because her clumsy human fingers slipped on the keys. The jarring sound of bum notes set Rosalie’s teeth on edge. She was not in the mood for this. Of all the evenings, Edward had to pick this one to bring Bella over.

Edward whispered words of encouragement into Bella’s ear causing her to blush a deep red. He never told her how bad she actually was instead he only praised her. Which was a terrible way to learn something. 

Edward looked towards Bella like she strung the stars up above him. Like she was the most perfect thing he had ever seen. 

A flash of pain pulsed through Rosalie’s chest like it was wont to do these days. Her throat burned with indignation and she gritted her teeth. The feelings that her session had brought up were still too raw. As soon as she saw Edward making moon eyes at Bella-the first person to ever reject her- her old bitter jealousy and anger reared its ugly head.

Edward’s eyes shot to hers when he heard the direction that her thoughts were going. He gave her an amused and pitying look that made her want to tear his eyes out. The audacity of this fucking asshole knew no bounds.

Gillian’s advice rebounded through her head and Rosalie knew that she needed to talk to the bastard.

_ Outside, Now!  _ Rosalie shouted in her mind.

“And why should I do that?” He said, loud enough for the human to hear.

“Because I’m trying to listen to my therapist and you always make it so fucking difficult.” Rosalie growled.

The sound made Bella flinch and she paled dramatically. But she seemed to recover rather quickly. Edward saw this and sent a seething look Rosalie’s way. He sprang up in a fluid motion and stalked over to her. When his hand encircled her upper arm and began to manhandle her out of the door she growled again.

She fought the urge to rip his arms off until they were clear of the house. Then she tore her arm out of his grip and kicked him. It sent him flying into the nearby tree. The trunk cracked and splintered in every direction. But Edward was up in less than a second.

“You had no right to touch me!” she screamed at him.

A powerful, simmering rage burned beneath her skin. It was like the venom in her system had started to burn her once more. Who did he think he was?

“And you had no right to scare Bella” His voice was low and predatory. A stark contrast between the way she had screamed at him.

“Oh for god’s sake Edward,” Rosalie scoffed, “Bella’s a big girl. If she got scared by something as stupid as me yelling at you, she would have already  _ left _ you by now.”

The image of Bella flashed through her mind again. Plain, unremarkable Bella. Then she recalled the way that Edward had been looking at her. It was interspersed with memories of when Edward had first rejected her. At the way his lips had curled up in disgust. She grit her teeth against those unwanted thoughts. But unfortunately she wasn’t quick enough in quieting her mind.

The disgust that she had been remembering was mirrored in Edward’s face. He laughed darkly in a way that was supposed to make her feel small and insignificant. “Oh this is so rich. Of  _ course _ you’re concerned about how someone doesn’t find you attractive. This is just like you. Predictable, shallow and jealous. You’re just mad because I want to be with Bella and I never wanted to be with you. You only ever cared about how beautiful you were.”

Rosalie could feel a sting in her eyes as venom pooled in them. The pain in her throat flared up once more as her anger boiled over. “You think I’m shallow? That is  _ deliberate  _ you asshole! I don’t let you in for a reason. Because you will twist my thoughts to fit your own narrative of me. Just because you can hear someone’s surface level thoughts doesn’t mean that you know who they are Edward. People are complex and can feel countless things all at the same time. What you hear is only a fraction of the real me.”

Rosalie unleashed a torrent of her true thoughts onto Edward in a crashing wave. Of the way she really felt. The ones she usually buried under frivolous thoughts about her appearance. Edward blinked and took a half step back.

“My whole human life I was told that the most important part of me was my pretty face. It was one of the only things about me that my mother was proud of. I was like a doll and I was taught that that was exactly how it was supposed to be. Anything else was a failure.” Rosalie took a shuddering breath and she could feel a tremble run through her tightened fists. “When I came into this life, my pretty face was the only thing that came with me. Everything else was stolen. I only had my beauty and you threw that back in my face with a sneer. So of course I despised you for that.”

“What? I never said that you were ugly or anything. Of course I think you’re beautiful...”

“That’s not the point! I was already fragile as a newborn, when you rejected me it just made everything feel so much worse. Nothing was familiar, everything was terrifying. It made me feel  _ broken _ .” Her mind drifted back to her earlier session. Where she spoke of Edward thinking she was broken too.

Rosalie’s voice dropped to a whisper “Sometimes I still do.”

The mocking smirk had long since fallen off of Edward’s face. Instead he looked at her as if he had never seen her before.

“Rose, You’re not broken. You have never been broken. Not once did I ever think you were either. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Rosalie looked away from Edward with her arms crossed firmly over her chest. The sting in her eyes were gone but there was still a shake in her hands that she tried to hide. She didn’t think she had ever heard Edward talk about her this way. It was strange.

Edward sighed “Look, the way we were thrown together was not good for either of us. If we had met in different circumstances we would probably not be at each other's throats all the time.”

The corners of her mouth ticked up slightly.

“I didn’t reject you because you weren’t beautiful enough. And I definitely didn’t reject you because you were broken in any way. We both knew that we weren’t right for each other. It was like an instinct.” He said.

Rosalie felt the air woosh out of her. It was stupid to be relieved by Edward’s statement. His opinion shouldn’t matter. But when he said those words it felt like she had let go of some of the fears twisted tightly within her.

After a few moments of silence Edward spoke up again. “I never really realised how you felt about me rejecting you. I thought that because I could read your mind that I knew but what you said was actually surprising.”

Rosalie snorted “No shit sherlock. I already told you that I hide my real thoughts from you,”

“Yeah,”

They looked at each other for a beat more before they both made the decision to turn back towards home. None of them spoke as they walked swiftly back to the house. Their calm demeanour completely contradicted their original exit. It was Edward that spoke up first, just as the house came into view.

“For what it's worth, I’m sorry,” He gave her one last look before speeding through the door back to Bella.

His half-hearted apology was strangely comforting to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to make Edward a lot nicer in this scene but then i read Midnight Sun and I realised that he was a little bitch to Rosalie for no real reason so I decided to change it. That hoe deserves to get yelled at.


End file.
